Monday, September 21, 2009

My Heart Stood Still

This week I am on break from Boot Camp. Normally, I wake up at 4:00 a.m. to get ready. I get up a little earlier to allow myself some time to unload the dishes, start a batch of laundry, and other small chores, before heading out the door to exercise. Boot Camp ends at 6:30, so I usually arrive home about 6:45 to crying, hair flying, and squealing on most days.

Since starting this routine 4 weeks ago, a typical morning at the Jones house is hectic, to say the least! Trying to get 5 of the 7 children to march like solider's and out the door with everything they need before 7:10 and 7 :45, let alone feed a hungry newborn and 2 year old, would rattle anyone's nerves. I might also add, that this afore mentioned 2 year-old, happens to think she has to pack her bags and snacks for the day right along side her sisters. She will NOT take NO for an answer, either! Thus, adding to even more morning chaos.

Since not having to wake up so early this week (off from camp for one week), the morning routine today was not nearly as hectic as the others. I was able to get the kids off, tend the baby, and even brush my teeth. Okay, I must confess, I even managed to sneak in my diet-coke, without anyone losing an arm, or gnashing and whaling of teeth. I didn't even need to get my broom out and ride it, as my kids like to say, to get things done on time and my way.

Once the kids leave, I try to get the baby down for a morning nap around 10 a.m. This allows me to focus on Emerson. It also allows me to get a jump start on chores and cooking preparations for the evening meal. If I am really lucky, I might be able to sneak in a mommy break. I love nappy time!

So, as I was saying, I managed to get the baby down close to his schedule time, and laid him in the crib. I really wanted that mommy time this week, since there was no Boot Camp. I immediately started sorting laundry and folding clothes. Not more than 10 minutes into his nap, Weston woke up for some reason. I usually let him fuss it out for a few minutes, however, this would not be the case today. Emerson, is a real mother hen and busy body to boot! She loves to lug her pretend babies and our cat Izzie around all day!!! She would have none of leaving him alone, when I asked her to not go in there. She marched right in there and told him to hush up. That went over real well as you can imagine. Especially, since she was standing on the crib inches from his head, and talking pretty loud, as most 2 year-olds do.

I was a little irritated, because I was almost at a stopping point , where I could sit down with Emerson, put her up to cartoons, and chill out a bit. I put the baby in his car seat, put Emerson up to cartoons, and rounded the corner to finish loading my washer. Yes, I admit, I was dreaming of my down time. Not even 2 minutes went by, when I heard the screams of my 3 month-old baby, Weston. Not the "I am ticked off, tired, or hungry scream," but one of hurt and sheer terror. As I was rushing back in the living room to see him, Emerson, ran crying up to me saying that he was too heavy. What I saw next, literally made my heart stand still. My little baby was lying flat on his back about 5 feet away from his car seat on hardwood floors. Immediate panic set in, not knowing if she actually dropped him, tripped with him, or set him down hard. While Emerson put her own self in time out, I took off his clothes and checked for any signs of injury. I didn't see anything, so I said a little prayer in my heart, as I tried to calm him down. After a few minutes, he soon settled down and wanted a bottle. To me, being hungry was a good sign. I know you aren't suppose to put babies down after a fall, so I tried to keep him awake as long as I could. It really wasn't easy, because it was not only his nap time, but he had worn himself out crying. In fact, I am still checking on him as I write this.

I often find myself being taught and humbled by the Lord thru my trials and accidents, no matter how big or small that they are. I have learned, once again, that life holds many ironies.
One being, that parents, especially mothers, often long for that next stage in a child's life, while not fully appreciating the season that they are in. I have often said to myself, I can't wait for them to get a little older and start sleeping at night, so that I can get a good nights rest. I have also heard others say that they can't wait for them to start school, so they can finally have silent and "me" time. Many more have said that they can't wait for the day when they are grown, so they can flit and flitter wherever it is they want, without being tide down. Some have even said to me, that as many children as I have, I will never get that chance to go and do. Yet, the irony of this all, is that when those days finally come, and our children are older, we too grow older with them.
Once, when we would give anything for sleep, we now find that sleeps alludes us, and we can't sleep. Not only do we soar with the eagles in the morning, but we hoot with the owls all night too! Once, where quite and "me" time was wished for, is now replaced by a sound so silent, that it is deafening. For, there was once a time, where we couldn't even walk to the bathroom without someone pulling, clinging or needing something. We now find it to be replaced by the simple fact that know one needs us at all, and that they are just too busy to come and visit. Once, when all we wanted to do was get our children grown, so we could flit and flitter, we now find that we are too crippled, too old or too dead to care. Once again, my heart stood still, only this time it wasn't from panic, but rather from listening.

Long gone is the desire for mommy down time on this day, for my Heavenly Father has once again replaced it with a love and gratitude, that is steeled with a quite resolve that only a mother could know, but often forgets. And that is , that our most important responsibility as wife, and mother is living in the "Now" for our children, whatever the "Now" is during the particular stage in life. For me, that stage is planting, and nurturing. I often forget that, while getting caught up in doing all of the things that must be done to run a household this size. Come to think of it, a lot like Boot Camp where everyone is treated like a solider. There are always marching orders, missions to be completed, and more missions to follow. There is no down time, lots of physical exhaustion, and no rest for the troops.

So on this day, I sit here with my children, while my hair is frizzed, no make-up on, beds not made, floors not swept, a sink full of dishes and the laundry piled high, knowing that all is well in this world when my children are looked after, cared for, and watched over by my Father in Heaven, and often times, in spite of myself when I sometimes "forget."
Today, I got 2 very important things done: 1) I brushed my teeth and 2) I played and held my children , not my troops. Can I get another diet-coke, please? Oh, and by the way, this picture is posted for all non-belivers. Proof is in the pudding, don't you think?


Leslie said...

What a fearful experience! The fact that you were able to gain greater light and understanding from our Father in Heaven through it all is the remarkable part. You are a blessed mother. Love you.

De Anne said...

What a scary moment! I commend you for finding the lesson in the incident! I have no idea how you do it, but keep on doing it!

Alicia R. said...

You had me in tears. What a scary incident, and a beautiful way to learn such a valuable lesson. I'm so glad that everything is okay and Weston escaped injury.

Kelly said...

You really do have a knack for writing! Ihave read all these and they crack me up or bring tears to my eyes ;) This one is great and sooooo very true! Lots of times we wish it all away and when its over...we miss it...Like the sweet baby snuggles from Weston ;) Those days are over for well as being shot by streams of water!! lol ;) a new season for me to enjoy ;) Great blog Miss Michelle!!! ;)